


Aquiver || chanbaek/baekyeol

by orphan_account



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2019-01-17 19:05:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12372099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: In which a certain giant keeps a diary and finds the sick quivering boy interesting.No copyright infringement intended.Hospital!au





	1. Chapter 1

Byun Baek Hyun didn't have the time to die a heroic death, or do anything heroic, really. In his sixteen years of living, his short list of great accomplishments was almost saddening, with the number one greatest achievement being having played The Last Of Us through with zero deaths. On the hardest mode. 

Baekhyun didn't die heroically, or even in an ideal way. The truth is, death really isn't ideal or iconic. It's rather sad and depressing. 

Before dying on the hospital bed attached to numerous tubes and whatnot, Baekhyun did manage to do a lot. Such as complain about  uncomfortable the bed was or how the small and God-old tv never showed anything he hadn't seen already.

With many medicines to keep him alive, one above all was his favourite. Park Chanyeol. 

The way the giant would roll through the brunettes doorway in his wheelchair with Sehun's unneeded help (Chanyeol could've done it himself, but he wasn't allowed to) whilst smiling in the most beautiful way would always cheer the smaller up. 

The way his smile lit up the room when Baek had a tough day of treatments and he seemed to be the only thing to make him feel better. 

The way he would stay the night despite the nurses continuously nagging that it wasn't allowed.

The way they'd stay up until two in the morning talking about how the future would be like if they weren't dying. 

The way the giant would drum his fingers on the rail of the uncomfortable bed to match the rhythm of the rain beating against the windowsill.

The way he'd manage to make the other fall in love all over again every time he opened his mouth.

The way he couldn't be the medicine anymore. 

The way the medicine wore out.

The way the medicine stopped working. Died down.

The way he himself died without his medicine.

 

// this story shall not be re-uploaded to other platforms unless I suddenly change my mind and give someone permission to reupload this. Please respect the story I've written and worked hard on. Thank you. 

Also! Please note the age changes in this fic

Baek: 16 years

Chan: 16 years

Sehun: 34 years 

Minseok: 27 years :) 

Luhan: 30 years 


	2. aquiver

A small figure lays in the safe of the heavybuilt hospital bed, counting down days to the date the doctor had announced him earlier that week, wishing it'd come sooner.

The date simply didn't slip off of his mind. January fourth. The expiration date. The day the sick, pathetic (the words he himself uses to describe himself) boy would take his last breath. January foruth was his new favorite day, he decided. He'd leave the world, and he'd do it with a smile, he swore.

The rainy November day seemed to drag on for longer than usual, the sounds of the hospital much more quiet.

It's not that hospitals were some crazy loud places where you couldn't hear your own thoughts. The place only got loud when a drama-like scene happened and a patient was dying and doctors and nurses ran to the rescue, sometimes failing and sometimes succeeding in their mission of saving an unlucky patient. 

The boy sighed, closed his eyes and listened to the rain roughly beating against the buildings, and sidewalks, the heavy drops abusing every displayed surface. 

A man in his mid-thirties entered the room and smiled sympathetically at the boy who appeared to be sleeping. The man knew this wasn't the case though, so he carefully shook the small boy 'awake'.

Grumpily, the boy glanced up at the man leaned against his bedframe, not really mad, sad or frustrated that he had been shook awake. Just numb. Like always.

"Morning, Baekhyun, I see you've woken up already," he said, a bit of sarcasm lacing his voice. It didn't offend Baekhyun in any way, although it probably should've. They had been like this, having small banters ever since Baekhyun had been moved to the Seoul hospital and Sehun had started as his doctor. 

"O-of course," the brunette stuttered, his words trembling like usual, rubbing non-existant sleep from his eyes.

"You should really eat today," Sehun stated, serious all of a sudden.

"W-what's the p-point anyway? I h-have what? Two months left. Does it really matter w-whether it's two months or t-two weeks," Baekhyun stated bitterly. 

"Aren't you a ball of sunshine today," Sehun snorts and starts to lift up the sick boy.

"Come on g-go gentle I have cancer," complained Baekhyun and gave in, standing up on his own.

"I know, Baek. It doesn't mean you'll collapse as soon as I touch you. That's not all you are by the way. Just a cancer patient. You're more than that," Sehun scolds the frail boy standing barefoot on the hospital floor. 

"Let's at least have a walk around the hospital. You seem tired of this room," Sehun switches the subject, which Baekhyun is glad about. 

"Y-yeah," he grumbles and gets into his wheelchair he had named Wheelie. Wheelie was a bit old but went fast. Well as fast as a wheelchair could. And it was relatively comfy too, which was a bonus.

Walking and standing up used too much energy (not to mention Baekhyun was the literal definition of lazy) so Sehun, who was only supposed to be his doctor, took the role of a nurse, as he insisted doing so, and wheeled Baekhyun around. 

Usually Baekhyun never indicated the act of strolls, but Sehun did, insisting that he shouldn't rot in the room all alone. Which of course, Baekhyun has learned not to question anymore.

Sometimes, his actual nurse Minseok would join them, explaining how Baekhyun would feel better soon and how much fun he would have after he got out of the damned hospital.

Of course, all three of them knew that Baekhyun's chances of ever being able to live outside the hospital were very small, but every time he'd mention it, Minseok would scold him for thinking and voicing out such things.

Baekhyun sat in Wheelie, counting the seconds since he had left the safe of his room. It had been eighty-nine and a half, and he wanted desperately to go back. He was sick, for Christ's sake.

"Sehun h-hyung, when d-did you find out I was going to die," he asked out of the blue, making Sehun come to a halt and Baekhyun almost fall out of his wheelchair. 

"Yah, don't ask me stuff like that! I hate this just as much as you do, you know," he sighed, running his ringless left hand across his tired face.

"Please answer the question, hyung," Baekhyun plead in the smallest of voices. Having talked so much today, he started to tremble less and less with his words. Usually, this only happened with Sehun.

"Around the same time as you," Sehun stated, and Baekhyun immediately knew he was lying, but didn't comment on it. Instead he nodded, dismissing the subject as he knew Sehun ironically hated talking about Baekhyun's upcoming situation. He would have to watch him die, just how nice is that?

"You know, it wouldn't hurt you to try to make friends while you're here. It isn't exactly cool having a thirty year-old doctor as your only friend beside your parents," Sehun spoke again. He was always at keeping a converstation alive, while Baekhyun continued to fail to do so. 

"Where do I even make friends here? The section for dying teenagers? How would I even start a converstation? 'Hey nice to meet you, I have cancer and I'll die in two months, what about you, when will you die?' It doesn't sound delightful, does it?" Baekhyun said in a mocking tone that Sehun wasn't exactly a fan of, having heard it plenty of times before. 

"Besides, you're cool. I'm glad having you as my only friend." Sehun knew that just saying this was huge coming from the Byun Baekhyun. Usually, he wouldn't let anyone hang around him, get attached to him. But this manchild, an extremely young doctor had found a way to him. 

"I'm glad," he smiled, bringing Baekhyun to the waiting room.

A beep of the device im Sehun's pocket broke the moment, Sehun scrunching his eyebrows together.

"Wait here, I need to do something," Sehun said, wheeling him to the chairs. 

Baekhyun knew he normally wouldn't need to do anything. Baekhyun was his only patient. His speciality, if you will. He had left him in the waiting room, in hopes he'd socialize. Or something was seriously wrong.

My dear puppy friend, you are having false hope here, he thought and sighed. 

He wasn't sure when Mr. Oh would return so he decided to make the best out of things and made himself comfortable in Wheelie, fixing himself so he saw the flatscreen in the room full of people, waiting to hear from their loved ones.

Commercials were rolling. Baekhyun fought the urge to complain and instead focused on the chicken commercial. He wouldn't admit it (especially not to Sehun), but he was hungry. Seeing the commercial (that for sure didn't even use real chicken) didn't really help him either.

Suddenly it happened again. The hospital went louder, as a boy about sixteen years old was rushed to the emergency room. 

"There's too much water in his lungs, I don't know how much time we have!" 

The boy lay on the operation table, completely unconsious, silently praying that he'd make it out alive.

Please, if I make it, I promise I'll do all that I can to make others feel better, he had thought before passing out, gasping for breath. 

Baekhyun was watching the news in the waiting room when Sehun came back, two hours after he had left the teenager alone.

"Y-yah! Where w-were you!" Baekhyun quivered at the thought of the last two hours with strangers looking at him pitifully, as if to say 'what a shame a young boy like you is dying'. He hated it. He hated the pity.

"Sorry, Baek, other stuff happened. A patient came in so we had to take care of that. He's about your age, maybe you'd get along," Sehun informed as he started to wheel Baek back to his room.

"I doubt it. It didn't go well last time," Baekhyun argued, closing his eyes thinking of the last time he tried to befriend someone. 

"Yeah but this time it's different," Sehun tried to reason. 

"Is it really though? One of us is still going to get hurt when the other dies, exactly like last time," Baekhyun barked back, his throat closing up. His body was quivering just thinking of the incident.

"Again, I'm sorry about that, Baek. Daehyun's sudden passing really surprised us all. I miss him too, you know." Sehun apologized again, for the thirty-eighth time about the same subject. Baekhyun should know, he kept count. His words were all sincere, yet it didn't matter to Baekhyun. They still hurt. Undeniably, they opened up old wounds.

"Whatever," he grumbled and focused on the sounds of heart monitors beeping in the nearby rooms where doors were left open.

"When will my monitor stop beeping," Baekhyun whispered to himself, looking into room 614. The boy on the bed was sleeping, his heart beeping steadily, a woman silently crying onto his lap, whispering things Baekhyun couldn't hear. The boy looked peaceful. His eyes closed, eyelashes brushing against his cheeks ever so slightly. Hair messily sitting on top of his head, still managing to look flawless.

"Ah, I see you've taken notice of the patient I was talking about. A sad case, that one. They only found about his illness today. He has like a month to live," Sehun said quietly. 

"Aren't you supposed to keep people's medical information private from outsiders?" Baekhyun scoffed, dismissing the heartclenching information about the boy. 

"I feel like you won't be an outsider to him soon enough. Anyway, we can visit him tomorrow if you'd like," Sehun suggested, which Baekhyun shrugged to as a response. 

"I don't even know his name," Baekhyun noted as they started to near his own room. 

"Park Chanyeol. You'll get along fine, I believe." 

 

Baekhyun couldn't sleep at night. Something about Sehun's words kept him up. What was so serious that this Park guy only had a month to live? What would make him even unluckier than the worlds unluckiest guy, Byun Baekhyun? 

The weak rays of sunlight tormented Baekhyun, mocking him and his insomniacic night. Not everyone can sleep, Mr. Sun, and you should be more respectful towards us and stop rising so damn early! 

Baekhyun tried to get up and open the curtains so he'd have something to look at, but fell flat on his ass, screaming in agony. 

Immediately, Minseok and Sehun rushed to him, having developed a sixth sense for the teenager. It could get annoying at times, when Minseok would run to him, asking if he's alright after the teenager had only sneezed.

"Dumbass, why would you do that! If you need help, ask! I can't believe you," Minseok mumbled whilst dragging the small brunette back to his bed. Minseok's words were harsh, but made of love. 

"I just wanted to do something myself," he replied, ashamed of himself. The feeling of helplessness was killing him faster than the cancer in his body.

"We'd love for you to be able to do that, too, but we can't take risks, Baek," Sehun smiled sadly. A lost case. That's what Baekhyun was. Sehun knew it. But he would refuse to acknowledge it. As much as Baekhyun wanted for him to give up on him, Sehun would always try his best, no buts. 

Baekhyun didn't respond, but focused on the throbbing pain in his back instead. Atleast Minseok had opened his curtains, the colors of the sunset varying from yellow to purple, calming him down a bit.

"Don't cause any trouble today, Baek, I have other patients too," Minseok warned him and left the room.

"When you said it doesn't matter whether it's two months or two weeks... It does. Make sure it's the best two months," Sehun smiled sadly and exited the room, leaving Baekhyun alone to process those bittersweet words.

 

The sun was annoying. It was so bright and oh-so happy! And of course, blinded Baekhyun as soon as he opened his eyes again. He had taken a nap that could've been between two hours or twenty minutes. Judging by the way the sky looked, it must've been closer to twenty minutes.

"Morning, Baekkie," Sehun cheered once he entered the room. Baekhyun was about to reply when Sehun stopped him.

"It's okay if you don't talk. I know how bad your stutter is in the morning," the doctor smiled and started getting Wheelie from the corner it had been left in yesterday.

Sehun lifted the teenager to the chair, talking about how the six-year-old patient in the room next to his had passed away.

"Jaemin was a good kid, you know? Always happy," Sehun smiled sadly. He had done that a lot in the past month. A lot since he told Baek that the latter was going to die. And even before that. Seeing a person you care about in pain was never ideal.

Baekhyun had known Jaemin. Liked him, even. Up to the point he concidered to smaller one the younger brother he never had. He liked how whenever he visited, he'd excitedly tell Baekhyun about his favorite toys and invite him to play. Yet, his death didn't seem to baffle him at all. It didn't make his insides twist in pain and tears pour out of his eyes. He had known this was going to happen. And it would happen to him too. In two months, to be exact.

"Anyway, I think we should visit that Chanyeol boy today," Sehun said, now wheeling Baekhyun out of his room. An act he was so used to, having been done this for four years. 

"W-who?" 

"Park Chanyeol. The boy I mentioned yesterday."

"I-I don't know, hyung..."

"Come on, what's there to lose?" Sehun nudged the smaller boy. 

"B-but he d-doesn't know me e-either," Baekhyun insisted. 

Dismissing Baekhyun's words entirely, Sehun started to wheel him towards the room he saw yesterday. Also known as Room 614.

Park Chanyeol was a man of few words. Yet, a bunch escaped his mouth when he saw a midget in a wheelchair rolling into his room.

"Yah! What the hell- oh, Sehun hyung. What are you doing here? More importantly what is that doing here?" 

"Calm down, Chanyeol, this is the boy I talked about yesterday," Sehun assured and placed Baekhyun near Chanyeol's bed. 

"That's Baekhyun? He's taller than you described." Chanyeol even managed to force out a laugh. An incredibly fake one, but it was a laugh nonetheless.

As for Baekhyun, he was left wondering what kind of matchmaker Sehun had suddenly started to play? And why had he talked about him to this rude, stranger Yoda?

Sehun did nothing but laugh at Chanyeol's remark and started to make his way to the door.

"Baekhun doesn't talk much with people that aren't me or nurse Kim. But I'm certain you'll figure something out," he grinned and closed the door behind him.

"I-I'm only d-doing this f-for S-Sehun," Baekhyun stuttered out, almost happy with the way the words left his mouth. Now if he could get rid of that stutter...

"Me too," Chanyeol growled out, completely different from the light tone he had used with Sehun. 

The elf-eared boy scowled at the midget who was sitting uncomfortably in his wheelchair, looking at anywhere else than the mad teenager.

It got painfully quiet. Baekhyun was silently hoping Sehun would run back to them and wheel Baekhyun away, saying this was all a misunderstanding. Or better yet, a funny prank. 

Needless to say, that didn't happen. 

The clock was ticking on the wall, and somehow made the awkwardness worse. It told them that they had gone five whole minutes in the awful silence. And it didn't seem to be ending any time soon.

"I-I should go," muttered Baekhyun, trying to wheel himself away, but his arms were too weak, thus resulting in him not being able to move a single inch. Talk about awkward.

"No, don't go. I would help you but, uh, I can't really use my legs." The reply came quickly, but didn't sound rushed. Baekhyun swore he saw a pink tint covering the tall boys cheeks. 

"It's fine. Just call Sehun here," Baekhyun instructed, and Chanyeol smirked. 

"What are you smirking at?" 

"Your stutter is gone."

Baekhyun felt dumbfounded from hearing those words. And even more so when he realized it was absolutely true. This boy had done the thing that took Sehun months, years even, in a few minutes. 

"Yeah, whatever," Baekhyun quivered out and proceeded to look for a way out. 

"You know, this playdate is only over when Sehun walzes back through that door, so I wouldn't rush it," Chanyeol said, leaning back on his bed. 

"That doesn't mean I have to agree," Baekhyun snaps and stands up, quivering and trembling all over.

"Hey! Idiot, what are you doing?" screams Chanyeol, failing to get up himself and force Baekhyun back to his wheelchair, which he totally would've done otherwise. 

Baekhyun stumbled and fell flat on top of Chanyeol just like in the playbook of cliches. 

"O-oh , Chanyeol I'm so sorry," Baekhyun apologized, once again failing to use his arm strength to lift himself up. 

Chanyeol gripped the smaller boy's hands and helped him sit properly. The boy was so light, it didn't really feel like anything to Chanyeol, dismissing the restless butterflies in his stomach. 

Baekhyun shot the giant a confused look (that was absolutely adorable, according to the other), which Chanyeol responded to by hiding his blushing face.

"I-I mean we're gonna have to wait for Sehun anyway, right? So we should just get along, hahaha." 

Very smooth, Chanyeol, very smooth, the boy thought to himself and fought his hormones whilst the smaller sat on his lap.

"So, uh, what brings you to the hospital?" Chanyeol asks, trying to break the awkward atmosphere. 

"Cancer treatments. Well actually, I'm spending my last months here. I have two months," Baekhyun replied. Usually he would've stuttered a lot, maybe not even speak at all. But there was something different about this Chanyeol guy that made him want to open up. 

"What about you?"

"Pretty much the same. Expect I only have a month left. But that's okay. Maybe this will be my best month yet. Who knows?" 

The taller's words made Baekhyun smile. Not only because they were accurate, but because Baekhyun had never thought of it that way. But of course, he did his best to not let him see that. Emotions aren't meant to be on display. Not his ones, anyways.

"I'm sorry for being rude to you in the beginning, by the way," Chanyeol smiled. He had a pretty smile, Baekhyun noticed.

"Yeah, me too. You're pretty cool," Baekhyun admitted, a smile spreading on his own lips. 

"Friends?" 

"Yeah, why not."

"I see you two are getting along," Sehun's voice piped up from the door frame. 

Baekhyun couldn't sleep, as per usual. The ceiling was too annoying him, the sounds of the cars driving outside too loud and the heat under the blankets too unbearable. It was driving him more crazy with each passing second. Not to mention that the sweat from his body was helping the god-awful hospital gown stick to his body.

He had nothing to do. This was normal. Being awake at ungodly hours, waiting for the sun to rise and keep him company in the lonelyness where no one was awake yet. 

So he did what any bored person would. Find a distraction. And for Baekhyun, that distraction was Park Chanyeol. 

He knew that what he was about to do was stupid, yet he didn't care. 

His weak legs carried him to the room 614, of course falling a few times, getting weird looks from the nurses. No one bothered to help him though. He wasn't their problem. 

He would surely sue them, if it wasn't for the fact that he was going to die in a few months. Baekhyun laughed at how old his thought sounded. How old he felt. How he felt like a hundred year-old man on his deathbed, yet he was only sixteen. 

Soon, he found himself ready to knock at Chanyeol's door, one hand in a fist, about to collide with the wooden surface when it opened.

"Yah! Byun Baekhyun, what on earth are you doing up at this hour!" Sehun scolded the younger boy, a tough look of love on his face. He was worried, it was expected. 

"I-I was j-just bored, h-hyung. You know I can't sleep..." he trailed off, peeking in Chanyeol's room, just to see he was wide awake.

"Why didn't you call me? You know we have medicine for that-" 

"And you know I don't want the medicine. It makes me feel dizzy when I wake up. Now please let me see Chanyeol," Baekhyun found himself almost pleading. 

Sehun sighed. "I shouldn't be allowing this to happen," he muttered under his breath, probably not meaning for Baekhyun to hear, yet he did anyway.

"Thank you, hyung, you're the best!" the brunette cheered, trembling with his steps as he walked into the room of Park Chanyeol. Sehun nodded in response, a tight smile on his face, ruffling the thin layer of hair laying on top of Baekhyun's head.

"Behave you two," Sehun sighed and left the room. 

"Hey," Baekhyun smiled and sat on Chanyeol's bed. It was more comfortable than the chairs and offered him an opportunity to be closer to the taller. 

"Hi," Chanyeol responded, a grin covering his face. 

"So what was Sehun doing here?" Baekhyun questioned and laid himself next to Chanyeol, making the latters heart do a series of flips. 

"Talking about death and things. You know, fun medical stuff," Chanyeol shrugged, carefully wrapping his arms around the quivering boy. Somehow, the action seemed natural and neither of them questioned it. 

"Don't talk like that! Don't talk like you don't care about your life," Baekhyun scolded, smacking the taller's chest, noting that he sounded a lot like Minseok with the way his words came out. 

Chanyeol couldn't help but think that that was fucking adorable.

"Ouch, okay," the younger of the two whined and grabbed the brunettes hand to stop him from assaulting him further.

"Oh, sorry, did I hurt you?" Baekhyun was quick to make sure whether Chanyeol was okay. 

"No, of course not, Baek," Chanyeol smiled and enveloped the small boy in his arms again.

It didn't feel weird at all. But that didn't mean it wasn't atleast a bit awkward.

"So, uh, do you come here often?" Baekhyun was the first to break the awkward silence. Chanyeol bust out laughing. 

"Did you just use a terrible pick-up line on me?" 

Baekhyun felt his cheeks flush.

"N-no! I was just trying to ease the tention!" 

"Sure," the taller teased.

"I bet you just wanted to get a piece of this. Can't blame you, to be honest."

The brunette was embarassed, humiliated but most of all aggravated. Well not really aggravated, and even if he was, it wasn't because of Chanyeol. Baekhyun found himself unable to be mad at the other.

So he started to get up, doing a very bad job, but he was slowly getting there.

"No, wait, I was kidding, please don't leave me," Chanyeol choked out, gripping on the smallers arm.

"O-okay." 

Chanyeol let go, not liking the sad tone of Baekhyun's voice.

"I'm sorry, Baek I didn't mean it, forgive me," the boy begged, looking into the eyes of the boy next to him.

"It's fine, Yeol. Really, don't worry." The smile on his face could've fooled anyone. And it sure as hell fooled Chanyeol. 

"Okay," he smiled and snuggled closer to Baekhyun, who now had a genuine smile on his face. 

"Channie?" 

"Yes, Baek?"

It broke the brunette's heart to say the words on his mind. 

"What's the date of your death?"

The taller was taken aback, as he sat up. 

"Oh, shit, Chanyeol I'm sorry I didn't mean to-" 

"It's okay, I just wasn't exactly prepared," the boy chuckled humourlessly, and it scared the living daylights out of Baekhyun.

"December twenty-fourth." If they only knew December twenty-fourth was a lie 

"Oh. I'm sorry, Channie," Baekhyun whispered, a weird feeling circling in his chest. Well, to be exact it felt like someone had punched him in the stomach and then taken a poor quality sheet and tied it extremely tight around his chest, then chugging a knife through it. Yeah, that, but around times ten worse. 

"It's fine. Besides, we all die sometime don't we?"

"Well we do, but you die in fourty days," Baekhyun forced out bitterly. 

"Well, then I'll make sure to make those fourty days my best. Sounds good right?" 

"Yeah. I promise to do everything to make all the rest of your days amazing," Baekhyun smiled sadly. Or bravely. Whichever it was, it hurt to put on his face. Because no matter how hard he tried, it wasn't real. Wasn't authentic enough. 

No amount of fake smiles could change the fact that his first, only, and best friend was dying a month before he was. 

"Oh come on, don't look so stiff," Chanyeol chuckled, now lying down again. 

Chanyeol brought his long fingers to the corners of Baekhyun's mouth and lifted them up. 

Both of them laughed, the sweet sound of joy and glee filling the small room at two in the morning. 

"Baekkie?" Chanyeol said once they had stopped their little laughing fit. 

"Yes?" They sure were asking a lot of questions. 

"Don't forget me. Even if it's for a month. I want you to live that extra month without me with a huge smile on your face. Because you're my friend and I want you to have the best last days as well," he smiled, not liking the way the word 'friend' rolled off his tongue.

"Of course," Baekhyun was lying through his teeth and he knew it. He was hoping the giant next to him wouldn't notice. But of course, he did. 

"I'm serious, you know," Chanyeol declared, looking the small boy dead in the eye. 

"Yeah, yeah," the smaller gave in, a yawn escaping his mouth. 

"Sleep, angel," Chanyeol said, not giving any room for argument, as he wrapped the thin blanket around Baekhyun. 

Baekhyun felt all tingly at the sound of the nickname. He chose to ignore it. I mean this was Chanyeol. Chanyeol was his new friend, they didn't even know each other that well yet. It was just because he felt nervous around new people, right? And Chanyeol was a fairly new figure in his life. Yeah, that must've been it. 

Baekhyun stopped thinking when a pair of arms wrapped around him, letting sleep overtake his body. 

Stroking the others hair, Chanyeol had time to take notice of the others defined features. He smiled, planting a quick kiss on Baekhyun's forehead.

Chanyeol thought of the markings he had made on his diary before Baekhyun had entered his room, adding new ones after he had fallen asleep. 

Dear Diary, no scratch that, I feel weird with the word diary, and even weirder calling you dear. You're an object, not a human that I'd feel fond of, so I'll just say valued object. Yeah. 

Okay, so Valued Object,

Sehun Hyung told me to keep a diary for my last month. He said it would help me keep sane or whatever, so I'm trying it out, since I don't really have a reason not to. 

Anyway, yesterday I met Byun Baekhyun. Sehun hyung had told me about him, and he was almost a hundred percent true with his prescription of the boy. He just didn't mention that the boy had the most smooth looking hair ever, or that he had the most beautiful eyes in the world. Anyway, that Baekhyun guy really is interesting. I need to go now, Sehun is at the door again, probably back to talk about my well-being. Well, the lack of it to be exact. Whatever, bye! 

P.S Buyn Baekhyun has a soft forehead and pretty lips.   
P.P.S he's absolutely adorable, too 

Yours, or well, not really yours, just Park Chanyeol 

 

Chanyeol woke up to find the spot next to him empty. It made him feel uneasy, thinking something must've been wrong with Baekhyun, but he tried to calm himself down. Sehun must've carried him to his room while I was asleep. 

As if on que, the puffy-eyed doctor entered Chanyeol's room, making the latters heart drop. Was Baekhyun really okay? Maybe Sehun just had hayfever. In November? I don't think so.

"Is Baek okay?" His words seemed forced out, which, of course they were. He was terrified to he point he felt like his heart would explode at any second.

"I- he- I don't know how to say this, Chan," Sehun sighed, rubbing his face with his long fingers.

"Is.he.okay?" The younger boy almost shouted. 

"Chanyeol, I-"

"ANSWER THE QUESTION," Chanyeol shouted. He was furious and scared. Weird combo, but not a pleasing one at that.

"He's alive," Sehun stated. This calmed Chanyeol down a little, but not enough to wash away the feeling of not knowing about Baekhyun's state gnawing him empty inside.

"He just... Cutting the medical crap, he won't be able to walk again or basically do anything himself. The whole left side of his body is paralyzed, so it's difficult for him to even speak. He can't visit you anymore, Chanyeol I'm sorry."

Time froze for a while. The gnawing feeling in his stomach felt awful, as if it was eating him alive. He felt so much guilt for not helping the small boy. He felt like his chest would explode. It felt like death itself had smacked him. Hard. 

If this was a reality check, he didn't like it. Actually, he hated it down to the core of his entire existence. 

"When..?"he couldn't finish his sentence, as his throat was closing up. 

"It wasn't your fault Chanyeol. He was leaving your room to go to his own and he fell. We can't do anything more to help him. I'm sorry," Sehun smiled sympathetically. I don't need your sympathy Oh Sehun. 

"The only way he'll be able to walk, is if the paralyzation somehow manages to unhappen, but that's nearly impossible." Needless to say, he was trying to simplify the facts so they would be easier to understand. 

"Can... Can I visit him?" Chanyeol knew he must've looked and sounded so pitiful. But who could blame him? His only friend wasn't in good condition.

"Chanyeol..."

"What? Why couldn't I?" He was on the verge of shouting again. Or crying. Either way, he would've done both if it meant seeing Baekhyun.

"It's too much stress for you. It'll make you too tired. You know damn well you can't walk. I know you want to see him, but please, it'll be too much for you," Sehun said strictly.

"But I have a wheelchair. Besides, why can't Baek wheelchair too like he always does?"

"Oh god you're just like him," Sehun sighed and after some more persuading, he gave in.

"Just because I ship it," he grumbled, quiet enough for only him to hear.

Sehun helped Chanyeol into the wheelchair, wheeling him towards Baek's room. At first Chanyeol insisted on rolling the wheels himself, but that didn't turn out well, as he almost bumped into three nurses and an older patient.

"Yah! Oh, watch your patient," a nurse snapped at Sehun.

"Sorry, Lu," he replied, smiling sheepishly. 

Baekhyun looked terrible, but great at the same time.

But then again, he always looked amazing to Chanyeol.

"Ayo wassup, Baekkie?" Chanyeol called out, earning a look of displeasure from the smaller boy. 

"Sorry," the giant goofily grinned, happy to see his friend again.

"I'm going to give you two loverbirds some time alone," Sehun said, excusing himself before either one of the boys could protest.

"Hi," Chanyeol breathed out, a tinge of pink haunting his cheeks from Sehun's comment.

"H-hey," Baekhyun managed to voice out.

"It's okay, you don't have to say anything, I know it's hard for you right now," Chanyeol smiled, although a bit bitterly. Of course he wanted to hear the other's voice. 

"So guess what? On our way here, we passed the cafeteria and they had some sort of pudding and Sehun hyung said that if I acted well I could have one. Isn't that cool, Baekkie?"

A smile spread on Baekhyun's lips, with much effort. He loved listening to the taller speak. His voice was so calming and deep. 

The smaller hummed in response.

"Maybe you could get one as well," Chanyeol said, grinning in a way that made Baekhyun's heart race.

"Please tell me if I'm being annoying. l'll leave if you want me to..." the giant trailed off, suddenly feeling bad for talking so much.

"No!" Baekhyun didn't like the idea of Chanyeol leaving him. It hurt to think about, even if it was only to go to another room.

"Stay... please."

Chanyeol smiled. Baekhyun had said the words he had wanted to hear so bad.

"Don't worry, I'm not gonna leave you," he smiled, taking the hand of the small boy.

"I won't ever leave you, okay?" 

Chanyeol please don't lie. You'll leave in thirty-nine days and I'll be alone. It's okay, though, I forgive you, Baekhyun thought, not being able to voice out his thoughts. 

Instead, he just smiled and returned the gesture, squeezing the younger boy's hand.

Chanyeol looked at their joined hands, a sad smile spreading on his lips. 

"Ch-Chanyeol?" Baekhyun hesitantly asked, trying not to tire himself out by talking too much, yet with Chanyeol he didn't care. He wanted to push himself to be able to communicate with the giant.

"Yeah?" Chanyeol was wearing his signature smile that made Baekhyun believe that everything was going to be okay. Which, of course it wouldn't, and they both knew that. It was just so much easier to pretend that everything was perfect and they would have their happily ever after.

Life just doesn't work that way.

"C-can you," kiss me," fix my pillow for me?" 

Baekhyun scolded himself for chickening out. Truth is, from the first time he saw Chanyeol, thirty-seven hours ago he had known that this was the man that had his heart. Well, the boy. He had fallen hard and fast.

So here he was, a few days later, utterly mesmerized in the way Chanyeol fixed his pillow clumsily, almost hitting him and ruining the moment. To Baekhyun, it didn't really ruin anything. If anything, it made it more authentic. 

"Baekhyun, can I ask you something?" 

The boy laying in the bed nodded in response.

"Do you ever wish things were different? Like for instance, if you wouldn't have gotten sick, you might've had a girlfriend by now. Good grades and a future to wake up to. Do you feel like you missed out on that?" Chanyeol's throat was closing up, as every word became harder to pronounce.

Baekhyun thought about it for a while. Sure, he might've had good grades. A loving family and a promising future, he may've been able to go to law school. But on second hand, here he had Park Chanyeol. And that was enough make up for the loss of a boyfriend or a good academic future.

So he shook his head. 

"No." 

Chanyeol smiled, his eyes lighting up.

"Me neither."

Baekhyun was confused, but didn't let it show.

"I think I should get going now. Bye, Baek," Chanyeol said, leaned closer to Baekhyun and planted a small, innocent kiss on his cheek.

Chanyeol pressed the call button and Sehun shortly came to get him, quickly bidding goodbye to a blushing Baekhyun. 

 

The next morning was a pain in the ass. Not literally, though.  
Mainly because Baekhyun was bored, thus resulting in Sehun constantly having to listen to his whining and having to figure out stuff for him to do.

Baekhyun was playing with legos when an unfamiliar man entered his room.

"Hello, Baekhyun, I am Kim Junmyeon, head of funeral services. Now, I understand that you might be in need of my services soon?" 

Ever since Baekhyun had fell, two months had turned into a month and a half, at best. 

Gloomily, the sick boy nodded. 

"This won't take long, I just need to know what type of seremony you'd like, and whether you want songs to be played and so on." 

"Okay," Baekhyun manages to say. Speaking was difficult. Baekhyun took the notebook from the sidetable and got ready to write.

it's easier for me to write

The man nods and starts asking funeral relates questions, to which Baekhyun writes down an answer for.

Please play Anathema at my funeral 

And Miracles in December

Baekhyun smiles at the thought. His favorite songs. 

Kim Junmyeon left shortly after that, leaving Baekhyun to face his boredom again. 

Baekhyun was about to sleep when he heard knocking on the window. It didn't sound like a person either. He felt terrified. 

Just in time, Lu Han, a fairly new nurse (who could never replace Minseok, as Baekhyun had stated many times) came in to the room and closed the window.

"Come on, Baek, you need to eat," Han said, placing a tray with a minimal amount of food on it. 

"W-Where's Chanyeol?" Baekhyun asks, not caring about the trashy hospital food in front of him. 

"He's currently in the operating room," the deer-looking boy smiled sympathetically. 

Baekhyun felt his heart dropping to his stomach. 

"I-Is he okay?" Obviously not if he's in the operating room,idiot, Baekhyun scolds himself. 

"Over the night, his lungs had filled with up to two liters of liquid. It's a miracle he even made it to the operating table. They're removing the liquid from his lungs as we speak." 

Baekhyun felt like reality had slapped him, and it had slapped him hard. He wasn't fond of the tight feeling in his chest, the clenching of his stomach or the feeling of his throat closing up. Quite frankly, he hated it. It hurt so damn much that he didn't know what to do.

Still in a state of shock, Baekhyun didn't even notice that the small man had gotten closer to him, feeding him his usual food. 

"If you eat nicely, maybe we can go visit Chanyeol once he's better," Han coaxed Baekhyun to eat, and damn did he eat every last bite.

In the next few hours a lot of amazing and not so amazing things happened. 

Firstly, Baekhyun felt his face become unparalyzed. 

Secondly, Chanyeol's operation went fine and he woke up only minorly dizzy due to the heavy amount of painkillers he was on.

Thirdly, two patients died in the same area where Baekhyun's room was. Do Kyungsoo and Kim Jongin. Baekhyun had recalled seeing both of them sharing a pudding from the canteen, smiling sadly at the memory. He felt bitter, being reminded of Jaemin, Daehyun and all the people he had lost. He was sick of death following him around everywhere.

Just like Han had promised, Baekhyun got to visit Chanyeol. But only, two weeks later. 

"He might not respond much, so don't be disappointed if you won't be able to have full converstation," Chanyeol's nurse, Jongdae, informed the small boy. 

Baekhyun only nodded in response, not mentioning how he thought seeing Chanyeol alive was more than enough, no words needed. 

Chanyeol looked at the boy sitting next to his bed. A small smile spread across his chapped lips, he felt his heart beat speeding up. 

"H-hey Channie, I missed you," Baekhyun said as soon as he saw the taller's eyes on him. 

"I missed you too," he weakly replied.

"So, uh, how'd the surgery go?" A terrible way of trying to ease tension, but it would have to do.

"It went fine." 

Awkward silence filled the room. Both of them were very much aware that the number fourty had went three numbers down, yet refused to acknowledge it.

"Yeol?" Something about the way the words left the other's mouth hurt more than it should've. 

"Yeah?" He gulped. He was nervous. He feared whatever the smaller would say. 

"Please don't die," as the words left his mouth, rivers of tears poured out of his eyes. The immerse pain was too much in that moment. The amount of affection he had managed to start feeling towards the other in their short period of knowing each other was overwhelming. 

Chanyeol held back tears, using all his strength to pick up the boy and lay him next to him. All he could do was wrap his arms around him and whisper sweet nothings in the other's ear, trying to calm him down the best he could. 

"You know," he said after a while, "I'd never even think of leaving you. I could never. So don't you ever dare think that leaving this earth or this state of conscience was my choice. I'll always be with you. I can't stand the idea of leaving you alone. Never, okay? You'll never be alone as long as you remember me, yeah?" His throat closed up, but he didn't care.

Those words were meant to be said so Baekhyun would stop crying, but if anything, it made him cry more. And not because Chanyeol had said something wrong, God no. But more so because somehow he had said all the right words. 

In that moment, where Baekhyun sobbed against Chanyeol's chest, completely wetting the fabric of the hospital gown, the latter realised the true meaning of love.

Love, something he had despised so much in the past, despite loving so much. He found himself only now realising the true power of it. 

Love, whether it's platonic or romantic, held so much power it was scary. And that's why he was so cautious around said subject.

Love meant being happy about the other's success, sad about their misfortune and the willingness to make their problems yours.

Love meant loving unconditionally, accepting and cherishing every flaw and quirk, never once questioning the other. 

Love meant going through ups and downs together, sticking with each other through thick and thin. 

Love mean not once making the other feel anything else but, not once making them feel unloved. 

Love meant missing someone so much, you would do anything just to see them again.

Love meant the feeling that would never fade. The feeling that would still be there when everything else was collapsing.

And all of this he realised because of a certain sobbing boy in his arms.

"Baby, don't cry," he whispered, whiping away his tears.

"But I'm scared, Yeollie. I don't want to live without you," Baekhyun said, trembling with his words.

"You don't have to, I promise." 

He lied. And it hurt. It hurt a lot. 

Chanyeol placed his fingers under Baekhyun's chin, lifting it up to make his teary-eyed gaze meet his. 

"Listen, it's gonna be fine. Promise me you'll be fine without me?" His voice quieted down until it resembled a whisper.

The older of the two could only nod. His throat was dangerously starting to close up, and he was afraid that if he spoke, he'd start crying again.

His eyes scanned the giant's facial features, stopping at his eyes, nose and lips, his stare lingering on his lips for a bit too long.

The other noticed this and smiled, planting a small kiss on the brunette's forehead, which the latter whimpered to as a response. 

"Channie, my lips, please," he whispered. The yoda-eared boy grinned.

"Are you asking me to kiss you?" 

The half-paralyzed boy lowered his gaze, a light shade of pink tinting his soft cheeks. 

"I-I mean not if you don't want t-to. I-I should just c-call L-Luge to take me back to my r-"

His talking got cut off by a pair of soft lips covering his own.

To say it was unexpected was an understatement (even though this is what he had requested, wasn't it?). He froze completely, not really sure what to do, but as soon as he felt a hand on his hips, he felt himself responding to the kiss. 

It was short, sweet and loving. Overall, it was the perfect first kiss. 

"Chanyeol, I-" his words got cut off again.

"Shhh, baby, let's just enjoy to moment." And they did. Every single second of laying in the arms of the person he was so fond of was what could only be described as perfection.

Chanyeol kept pecking the side of his head, trailing his fingers on the other's jawline, grinning like a fool. But that's what he was. A fool for Byun Baekhyun. Can you really blame him though? 

"Baek..." as the name sprawled out of his mouth, he couldn't help but feel nervous.

"Hmm?"said boy hummed back. 

"I-I think I'm in love with you. " 

Upon hearing this, his eyes went wider than ever. That was fast. 

"Chanyeol," he breathed out, not knowing what to say.

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, I can call Sehun here if you'd like and he could take you back..." Baekhyun found Chanyeol's rambling quite adorable, and if he wouldn't have been so shocked, he would've commented on it. 

"No, no, it's okay, no need to do that. It's just so sudden. I mean wow. Do you really love me? Do you really mean that? How? Why?"

"The real question is why wouldn't I love you? You're perfect in the most imperfect way. I've loved you ever since I first laid my eyes on you. I love you, Byun, you loser." 

Tears brimmed the loser's eyes again.

"I-I love you too, Park. You massive moron." 

December was dangerously fastly starting to drag on and near the twenty-fourth day. Baekhyun decided he hated the number twenty-four.

"Chanyeol, you know what I think is unfair?"Baekhyun didn't give him time to answer as he started talking again, "Life. I mean, think about it. We've barely gotten to be together for three weeks and yet you're already being taken away from me. I don't want for you to leave." 

"Listen, life tends to work that way. Things get unfair and you're just gonna have to somehow power through it all. I used to be so scared of dying. I was so scared that my fear blinded me from seeing I was never alive in the first place. I mean come on, being constantly home in high fevers, coughing my lungs out and constantly feeling a piercing pain in my head wasn't living. I'm a walking corpse, destined to die. When they told me I'd die I was relieved. I thought, thank God, I can't take this anymore." 

Those words stung. Baekhyun could feel the authenticity dripping from each syllable those perfect lips pronounced. 

"But then I met you. And I started thinking, hell, maybe this life isn't that bad. I found my light in the middle of chaos. That in the middle of all this hell, I had found an angel. And now, I'm scared again. Because now I actually have something to lose. I'm terrified of losing you. Even the thought of not being able to see you, feel you and love you for every second of every day makes me feel like I'm dead already."

"I love you so much," Baekhyun cried, not knowing how else to show his agreeance, gripping on to Chanyeol for life.

"I don't want to be without you and I'll make sure I'll never have to," he whispered, not wanting the other to hear. 

A kiss of passion and undying love with a mix of desperation to hold on was shared. It was perfect in a totally sick twisted way. Of course, life ruined that moment for them, too. 

Chanyeol started coughing, pressing the call button. 

"Chanyeol no, no, no. Please don't do this. No not now. Not yet." Tears were freely streaming down his face as Sehun came in and peeled him away from the coughing boy. 

Sehun ordered Lu Han to take Baekhyun out of the room, which didn't sit well with Baekhyun as he only cried more. 

"Please, let me stay," he sobbed, trying his best to fight back.

"I'm sorry, Baek you know we can't let you."

"M-my boyfriend could be dying. P-please, just please let me stay with him."

That's all it took for the nurse to let him stay.

 

Many hours, several different medicines and countless of tears later Chanyeol seemed to be alright again.

Sehun wheeled Baekhyun closer to his lover and silently left the room.

Baekhyun intertwined his fingers with Chanyeol's, smiling at him with tear-brimmed eyes.

"You know what I love about you?" Baekhyun asked, looking at the iv attached to the other boy's arm.

"No. What?"

"I don't love you because you're handsome. I don't love you because you always let me ramble. I don't love you because you're kind. I don't love you because you're a good kisser-" 

"Where is this going, because now you're just making me feel bad-"

"Oh, shut up, I'm not finished yet. Although all those qualities are amazing and make me fall in love with you more and more, the reason I love you is you in general. I love how you make me a better person. I love how you don't want to make me change, but you do. I love you." The brunette finished his speech, whilst the other was grinning.

"Wait, isn't that a song-" 

"Shut up and kiss me." 

And he did just that.

Baekhyun had fallen asleep talking with Chanyeol and was very confused when he heard yelling.

"Save him! Sehun, do something!" A strange voice was screaming. Wait, was that Jongdae? Who needed to be saved? What was going on? 

He opened his eyes and gasped when he saw several doctors and nurses in the room. 

The next thing he knew, he was being dragged away.

"Minseok! Please, let me stay with him. I beg you, please," he sobbed, his tears once again running freely down his blemished cheeks. 

"I'm sorry, I can't let you. He's gonna be fine, Baek, don't worry. "

But he was wrong. He lied. He lied, he lied, he lied, he lied. 

It wasn't fine. His heart was ripped apart. And it hurt. It hurt more than a thousand bullets.

"Park Chanyeol, time of death four thirty a.m. December twentieth." The words that left Sehun's mouth seemed like a joke to him. A sick joke he didn't want to hear. It wasn't funny. Not at all. He was waiting for Ashton Kutcher to jump out and tell him he got punked, but it didn't happen. Nothing ever worked out like he wanted to.

"I'm sorry, Baek, I really am," he whispered, but it wasn't enough. It wouldn't ease the earthshattering pain in his heart. 

"Bullshit Sehun! You told me it wouldn't be like last time! But it was way worse! How dare you say you're sorry when you knew all along that this would happen. I hate you," the hurt boy shouted, angry tears leaving his eyes, drop after drop. 

"Baekhyun, please. Calm down. I'm sorry for your loss. Here, he wanted you to have this." Sehun handed Baekhyun a scarlet notebook that looked like it had gotten coffee spilled on it. 

He angrily snatched it from the doctor's hands and put it in his lap.

"Let me see him," he choked out whilst whiping the everflowing tears away. 

Instead of objecting, Sehun only nodded and did just what he was asked to do.

Baekhyun heard the door to Chanyeol's room click closed and that's when the tears started flowing again.

"Ch-Channie," he choked through sobs, looking at the lifeless body of the love of his life. 

The fact that he looked like he was sleeping wasn't helping either. 

It was just like he was asleep, only his skin was noticably paler, his lips more blue and body not moving. Yet, he still had a smile on his face. And that was what hurt the most. Even when gone, the idiot still had a smile on that beautiful face. 

Baekhyun grabbed a hold of his cold hand, squeezing it, only sobbing harder as he knew he would never squeeze back.

He planted a small kiss on the hand before letting go. 

"I-I love you Channie. I love you so much. And I'll never, ever live without you, okay?" The tears kept streaming out of his eyes, the pain so much more unbearable than it was when he was picturing and dreading this day and this moment. 

He was hopeless. He just wanted for Chanyeol to open his eyes and start breathing again.

Back in his room, he had never felt so broken, alone and scared in his life.

He opened the notebook he was given earlier (with the help of Minseok, since he couldn't move the left side of his body ) and prepared himself, taking a deep sigh.

He started reading.

Dear Diary, no scratch that, I feel weird with the word diary, and even weirder calling you dear. You're an object, not a human that I'd feel fond of, so I'll just say valued object. Yeah. 

Okay, so Valued Object...

At twelve p.m, Baekhyun was sitting in a pool of tears, having finished reading the notebook. Also known as Chanyeol's diary. 

He was about to put it away when a single piece of paper dropped out from between the pages. How did he not notice that?

He straightened it a bit and started reading.

To my beautiful, lovely Baek,

Please don't be sad. Knowing you, you probably are and you're crying your eyes out as I speak. Or as you read? I don't know, but please don't. I don't deserve those tears and I don't want them. I want you to be happy. I want you to laugh and call me an idiot in the most loving way ever, so I know you don't mean it. I want you to live your last month like a boss and not shed a single tear. We'll see each other soon again, i promise, baby.

Forever yours and waiting, Chanyeol

Xxxxxxxxxx love You! 

Damn him, making Baekhyun cry again and again. 

Chanyeol's plan was great and it was to be put in full action. Live fast, kick ass. 

Unfortunately, things don't tend to work out for the pair, so naturally, this plan was no exception. 

 

A couple of days went by. The pain was fresh, the news were old. 

Baekhyun couldn't help but burst in tears every ten minutes, so feeding him any kind of medicine was a mission that was nearly impossible. 

A bottle of pills was on his bedside table, because Minseok trusted Baekhyun to be smart and not do anything crazy. Wrong move. 

Baekhyun's shaking hand reached for the bottle and with huge difficulty, popped it open. 

Just as he was about to pour all the containments into his mouth, the door opened revealing a shocked Minseok who rushed to take the bottle away.

However, this only made Baekhyun grip the bottle tighter. 

"Baekhyun, give the bottle to me," Minseok said in a slow voice, which only irritated the other more.

"No," his voice quivered, "let me be with Chanyeol." 

He tasted the salty taste of tears and the metallic taste of blood in his mouth.

"LET ME BE WITH CHANYEOL,"he screamed, tears once again pouring out of his eyes, still tightly grasping the bottle in his hands. 

Minseok finally got the bottle and tried to calm the younger boy down.

"Sweetie, it's not your turn to go yet," he said tenderly, which Baekhyun shook his head to.

"No, no, no, I want to be with him. Please, just pleade let me be with him," he sobbed, trying to hail the bottle back from Minseok. 

Minseok didn't have time to reply as Baekhyun started coughing. More specifically coughing blood.

Whilst being rushed to the emergency room, Baekhyun couldn't help but let out a small, twisted smile.

The universe hadn't really been fair on him earlier, but now, his request had been heard.

I'm coming, Chanyeol, so don't worry, you won't have to wait long.

"Byun Baekhyun, time of death two twenty a.m. December twenty-third." 

a/n that's it! I hope you enjoyed. Also, sorry hehehe. Idk what else to say so uh yeah


End file.
